Dear Winter Jacket:

Dear Winter Jacket:

We have both established, through much hard work and dedication, that I can properly zip you up. Finally being able to bring that zipper all the way to the top to block out the cold bitter winds of the winter air was something I considered one of my finer moments of the calendar year. You were a worthy opponent, and had me on the ropes several times, but let's face it: you lost. I bested you. There were times I didn't think I would ultimately be victorious in this fight. You made my fingers bleed, you left me battered and bruised. But I won. I truly won.

So I have to ask you this, Winter Jacket: knowing that I was declared the champion, why do you insist on only making it impossible for me to zip you up when people are watching? When it's just you and me, you allow me full zipper access to ensure warmth when I venture outdoors. However, if there are people in sight, you don't allow me to zip you up, making sure that everyone around sees me struggle in all my handicap glory.

I'm on to you, Winter Jacket. I may have won the battle, but the war wages on. You will get yours.

With the heart of a warrior,
Ryan

Dear Fat Lady Carrying a Tricycle:

Dear Fat Lady Carrying a Tricycle:

How's that gonna work?

Confused yet intrigued,
Ryan

Dear Young Man Sitting Four Computers Down From Me:

Dear Young Man Sitting Four Computers Down From Me:

I appreciate your desire to want to listen to music while you study for your finals. I have often been inclined to do the same thing. However, two things stick out to me that could make this a better cohabitation experience for the two of us in this lab:

1) Might I suggest turning it down a bit? I was under the impression that you were just blaring music loudly until I saw that you were wearing headphones. I shouldn't be able to sing along with you if you're listening through headphones.

2) This one I cannot stress enough. LISTEN TO MORE THAN ONE SONG ON REPEAT. I get it - you like Eminem. I think he's just dandy as well, but you have literally been listening to this same song for 45 minutes straight. I'm this close to throwing a 3-hole punch at your skull.

Hopefully we have come to some sort of understanding.

Love,
Ryan

Dear Girl Who Came Into Class 35 Minutes Into A 40 Minute Class:

Dear Girl Who Came Into Class 35 Minutes Into A 40 Minute Class:

I would like to personally thank you for the inspiration that you have been to me. Your first epic move was having the good sense to come into class 35 minutes late in a class that generally only runs 40 minutes. Your second classic move was to then sign your name on the attendance sheet after class had been dismissed. But I believe what inspired me the most was the temerity and tenacity you showed in staying and arguing with the teacher for 10 minutes about why your attendance would not count this day. You have taught me what true courage is, as in the face of overwhelming evidence that you were in the wrong, you still argued your case. You officially have the brassiest balls I have ever seen. Bravo, bravo.

Inspired,
Ryan