Dear Anyone That I Walk Past at 1 AM When I Am Walking Home From the Computer Lab:

Dear Anyone That I Walk Past at 1 AM When I Am Walking Home From the Computer Lab:

You're creepy.

Frightened,
Ryan

Dear Drunk People:

Dear Drunk People:

Just because you are currently in a state of drunkenness, it does not give you permission to punch me, nor have your friend flip me off when I call you out on it. You're not special because you drink. Cut it out, crazies. Be the much more likeable and interesting sober you.

Annoyed,
Ryan

Dear Staff at Cunningham Library:

Dear Staff at Cunningham Library:

I wanted to personally thank you for the foresight and thoughtfulness in making it impossible to turn the volume down on the computers. When I plugged my headphones in and played a song, I was instantly sent into a frenzy as all of the excrement in my body was forcefully sent from my colon due to the sheer intensity of the noise in my ears. It had been nearly 20 years since I crapped my pants in such a public fashion, so I applaud your efforts in helping me reach this milestone.

With a heavy heart and heavier shorts,
Ryan

Dear Guy Sitting Next To Me In The Computer Lab:

Dear Guy Sitting Next To Me In The Computer Lab:

I am totally with you. I too thought slapping the monitor repeatedly would make the computer go faster. And you were right to give me dirty looks for questioning what you were trying to accomplish. I hope we can still be friends.

Apologetically,
Ryan

Dear Identity Thief:

Dear Identity Thief:

I feel really bad for you. You successfully stole my identity, but who wants to be me? You're going to be pissed when you wake up tomorrow and can no longer tie your shoes.

Laughing Last,
Ryan

Dear Readers:

Dear Readers:

This is my new blog. I will be writing various letters to the people I interact with or meet during the day. Since most of these people I do not have addresses for, I hope that addressing the letters to the vastness of the interwebs will allow the messages to get to the parties in question eventually. Because, after all, this is all very important stuff.

Enjoy my letters, and if you know the people I am talking to, please give them the messages.

Sincerely,
Ryan